i have been wallowing in my own little world for the past few days since school reopened. it is really a queer thing to do. it seems as though no one knows what exactly i have been spending my time on and what i aim to acheive, which is basically, nothing in particular at the moment. writing and writing cas documents has made me go 'aspirational' but to be honest i dont really have a clue where im going with the way things have been set out so far this term. sitting in front of a desk where maths, chem and bio are not coming to me is weird. not to mention english ib commentaries worth 15% of my final english score are occuring week4/5 of term2. tok has made me wonder why im here. why im not doing things which i should be doing. why im the way i am. what i should do about myself. how i can be a better person. how do people view me from different perspectives. and other futile attempts to self analysis and evaluation. i am LOST. but i dont think i will be for long. i cant be.
if my life were truly chaotic, or the way i do things were chaotic...
i wish people would just tell me directly what they like and what they dont like about me rather than waiting for me to find out myself because in most cases i feel terrible about it.
oh i miss my home country. my home people. my loves.