http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AlFkbElh44&NR=1

(: much ado about nothing whirling as i annotate it. rawr annotating is so boring.

"I will be horribly in love with her...No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I shoudl live till I were married - here comes Beatrice: by this day, she's a fair lady, I do spy some marks of love in her." xD

"Ha, against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner: there's a double meaning in that..."

another week has passed and i have only just begun serious analysis of much ado as of today. after listening to two sample oral commentaries awarded 28/30 and 18/30 yesterday, it gave me hope? or made me worried that i may not even reach the standard of the girl who paused and paused and spoke in a monotone, giving her a 18. when we were grading the guy who got a 28, i just kept thinking...i wouldnt be able to do that on the day. my oral commentary is scheduled for wed 7may 10:15-11:00am. including 20 mins prep time on a random 40line extract i get to blindly pick as i enter the prep room, and then delivering a (shaky) commentary on it for 10mins. Then, face 5 minutes of random questions about it thrown at me from 2 examiners. considering how poorly i did for the prepared, oral presentation last year, hopes for a level 7 in hl english are not too bright at the moment.

digressing from that, the rat dissection. It was quite repulsive on the whole but the snipping and snipping of rat bits were not that bad once you started. the organs gave off a horrible stench (yes, i got a male rat) and the neighbouring bench's was not any better - pregnant female with 9 babies, 1 underdeveloped. it was...i had to empathise with it. there were no organs formed, just a mass of stuff, literally. oh and the babies were all in the cesarian section.
hannah handed me one and i removed the placenta from it. the placenta is almost like its little backpack ;D and then im not sure if i half removed its amniotic sac or its skin!! O_O sorry rat if it was the latter! i only half removed it because when i got to the eyes and it wasn't really coming off...i sensed something could be wrong :/ and so that was how we spent 1.5hrs looking at dissected dead rats (4 in total)....with all the insides spewing out. we took a kidney out, heart and lungs out and further dissected those...the pregnant rat unfortunately had to experience dr guppy's aggressive sticking the metal pointer up its anus, poking its puffy bladder at the other end. and when she withdrew it there was a grey mass of poo stuck to the pointer. and she was like "feel the large intestine. what is its function?" "to absorb water" "the poo gets harder as it approaches the anus. you can feel it in this rat."
and also there was food particles stuck in the large intestine and hannah was sliding it up and down xD i think the dissection would be easier? if we had a scalpel instead of scissors. haha but thats just me. ewan hardly touched our rat, it was me who did most of the snipping. but for some awkward reason he was determined to get the rat's testicles out. hmm...

i think the times when im lost or confused or worried are just temporary "depression" or maybe i was just too hungry xD
energex (australia's electric board) cut down 3 trees in front of my house today - the job was completed in 1hr, including uprooting, and grinding of wood into chips etc. by 4 men. according to dad they were very professional. however, i think he has some regrets, like it is really bare outside our house now!
mum was totally shocked because when she returned from work (she started working last wed) she had no clue whatsoever that people came to cut the trees down today. nor did justin and i, in fact we guessed it on the way home from school.

hahahhaha. looking forward? to a (mildly) busy weekend (or maybe its mild because im in a good mood), and a fairly ok week...~long weekend with ANZAC day on friday.

i must announce: QA STRING ENSEMBLE is officially starting on THURSDAY next week!!! our school having opened only since 2007 (we're foundation year) its not been easy for music ensembles to be set up because the school itself is overly science-focused! thanks to Vivien who will be running the QASE and music teachers who plied into this. <33 cant wait!

also starting cello-piano duet practice with connie on wed lunch!! rawr. that means need to practise this weekend....hahahahaha (: i <3 my cello!

i have been wallowing in my own little world for the past few days since school reopened. it is really a queer thing to do. it seems as though no one knows what exactly i have been spending my time on and what i aim to acheive, which is basically, nothing in particular at the moment. writing and writing cas documents has made me go 'aspirational' but to be honest i dont really have a clue where im going with the way things have been set out so far this term. sitting in front of a desk where maths, chem and bio are not coming to me is weird. not to mention english ib commentaries worth 15% of my final english score are occuring week4/5 of term2. tok has made me wonder why im here. why im not doing things which i should be doing. why im the way i am. what i should do about myself. how i can be a better person. how do people view me from different perspectives. and other futile attempts to self analysis and evaluation. i am LOST. but i dont think i will be for long. i cant be.
if my life were truly chaotic, or the way i do things were chaotic...
i wish people would just tell me directly what they like and what they dont like about me rather than waiting for me to find out myself because in most cases i feel terrible about it.
oh i miss my home country. my home people. my loves.

last day of term1 break. term 2 tomorrow.....7mths to graduation. or should i say 7mths to IB EXAMS

still havent done a lot of things i am supposed to have done. but i finished tok essay! *pats myself on head*
extremely lazy now. i just want to waste my last day. however the responsible side of me is stopping my lazy side from winning. hmphs.
God please make term 2....er ok.
= =

omg im starting to wish living organisms didnt excrete! i just realized that i had a few more pages of homeostasis and excretion to learn :/ like my holidays hasnt been busy enough. besides watching smiling pasta drama the rest has been holiday homework?! i have promised myself to finish my TOK essay tonight...
when it comes to a few days before term starts, all qa people start panicking and complaining that the holidays weren't long enough and that they havent done this and that. hahaha. i think the main point is to stay positive! although i have a huge tendency to worry a lot.
many things have happened in this eventful week. i think i must make an effort not to worry so much! and that with determination things will get done and be just fine :D
recently ive been thinking about my future a lot.. like which uni i shld apply for, which course i'd want to enter, what IB mark i have to get to do that course... i think i should just do my part then leave it to God. only he knows anyway xD

ok back to work ;D

i must say i was pretty moody yesterday and sorry to the people i talked to while being moody because i was nothing but moody. the workload and my tendency to worry a lot sometimes are driving me crazy and barking parents add on to that stress level. therefore i think that if i didnt go for that 2 days medentry. i would seriously wither in my house hahahaha! i'll definitely be happy when school things are taken off my mind for a while (: so thanks a million to the people who let me know about the workshop and dragged me into it (: i made quite a few friends but definitely want more time to socialize! i think i havent picked on random pple for ages but being able to do that was extremely fun too! ahhaha and of course i learnt a lot xD the mock test went pretty badly though xD

a lot of things have changed since last year, including the fact that i can't just sit around and wait for next year but to make it happen. that means self-sacrifice and self-control! i think holidays tend to make me confused about what i really want to do and how much time i have in reality. im sure that if i give my best to the IB i'll be very very happy at the end of the year. whatever happens then is up to God.

i wish id shut up. sometimes xD

enlightenment

I must say I walked out of Tok class today, "enlightened". I thought of an example I could use in my essay and also the counter claims, problems of knowledge, empirical example, knowledge issues etc etc to go with it! haha :/ I just wrote out my agenda for this holidays. 10 days and I have a million things to do, 2 essays to write from scratch, a pile of CAS documents to fill in, english texts to study not to mention english COMMENTARY stuff *faints* and other miscellaneous things I may or may not get to. hmmmm...time for discipline and self-control. time to chiong like hell :/ well not really like hell, i have 10 days off after all. i really wonder how the language trip pple cope! they must be really pro :/
I felt a surge of overwhelming responsibility to sort out all this stuff before term 1 ends today and for the next 2 days. thats rare.

*don't be disheartened Audrey! jia you! haha*

Umat course on monday and tuesday 7,8. im thinking about it because its a reason to get out of my house ;D how pathetic. havent been out on my own (besides school) for...quite a long, long while :/ sian.