Dear People from across the street,

Hello my dear friends who live across the street from me. I CAN HEAR YOU. I certainly can hear your wild little party going on, aaaaand it's been several hours since you started.

However, I have absolutely nothing against you, though I do have some burning questions and comments for the host:

1) How many people are there?

It sounds like 527 people!! How did you fit them all in without feeling claustrophobic? You must teach me!

2) What brand of sound system are you using?

I'm just about to buy a set too.

3) Your bass is annoying.

Ok this was more of a statement.

4) Why didn't you invite me?

Rhetorical.

Questions 5-7 are definitely not rhetorical.

5) Why didn't you invite my pet quail?

6) Why didn't you invite my pet mailbox?

7) Why didn't you invite my pet mango tree?

8) The next time you have a party, will you have better music choice?

9) Actually can I be the DJ at the next one? I promise I'll whip up some violin favourites, I know your pals can potentially be sophisticated like that. How about some of that Carmen fantasy? You can dance to it....it's a tango...

10) Who are you? I didn't know I had party-type people living across from my house, no offence.

11) Would you like to come over for tea one summer afternoon?

12) Have you been brushing your teeth?

13) ...and flossing them?

Because I'm almost certain you're offering some sort of junk food/alcohol that contributes to deteriorating oral health. Promise me you'll brush your teeth before you go to bed.

14) Did you know that certain glittery creatures, better known as Pretty Night Things That Bite, watch you sleep every night?

Oh don't worry. They're harmless. They just like to watch you sleep, that's all. How did I know? That's because I watch them watch you sleep every night too!

15) Lastly, just in case you didn't know, I'm positive the girl-next-door has a crush on you. She owns really expensive high-powered telescope, specially aimed at your bathroom window 24 hours, 7 days a week. There might also be a camera attached to the viewing end of it, which is connected to a computer, which is connected to the internet, and is on a certain webpage which name starts with 'Face' and ends with 'book'.

Well, that's just my theory really, although I highly recommend you confront that girl-next-door about it the next time you see her. You never know, the both of you might make a great couple!

N.B. This post was written under possible unstable mental conditions.